New Jesse, New Blog

This new blog is going to be different. Not just humor up in here, because I don't want to restrict myself, or force funny blog posts when I don't have anything funny to say. However, I will never disappoint, so don't worry. Seriously, stop worrying, its distracting and it makes me uncomfortable.

So what the hell is going to be in Jesse's fancy new, well rounded blog?

I can tell you this about it:

1. I will be posting daily, with either a couple of youtube videos of great music I've found (or funny videos), a quality story from my always interesting life or my opinion/view on something. 

2. Thrown in with all of this will, of course, be a whole lot of humor. 

3. There will be absolutely no pictures of cats. Ever.

4. You should wear a helmet to contain rogue pieces of brain matter from when I blow your mind. Make it easy on the coroners, people, I'm sure they hated working over time cleaning up the mess from my last blog.

5. There will be no discussion of country music. Comments involving/regarding country music will result in me ruining a perfectly good acoustic guitar ironically smacking you in the face with it.

6. You don't talk about my blog.

7. You do not talk about my blog. 

8. I'm kidding, please tell people about my blog. Not yet, but like, after it's good. I'm tired of Perri Weinberg and Kelliann DeCarlo being the only people to offer feedback, because their uncontrollable love for me is causing bias.

9. No Eagles fans.

10. This blog is also available in a white, red, orange and robin's egg blue if the black background throws off the feng shui in your shitty dorm room or apartment.

11. Licking your screen whilst on this page will produce a pleasant pina colada flavor. I'll wait for you to grab some paper towels and windex to clean your screen before moving on. Dumbass.

12. If you even considered number 11, please press the back button on your browser until you are far, far away from my blog.

13. This page not for the blind.

14. Nickelback is the worst band currently recording music, and on pace to prove themselves the shittiest band to achieve mainstream popularity. If you have ever listened to a Nickelback song as a result of your own free will, dig a 7 square foot hole and jump into it.

15. I like the following things, and you should be prepared to hear about them: music (mainly alternative rock, classic rock, folk, bluesish rock, acoustic guitar, and anything else that isn't country), food, cooking, sleeping, coffee, mocking the things I dislike, shenanigans, taquitos, managerial accounting, philosophy, regular bowel movements, comedy, your shoes, movies, opinions (generally my own), having people commend me, off-center humor, off-color humor, beer and you (ok, so maybe you won't be featured on my blog, but my immense celebrity restricts how personal I can get here. Don't be offended).

That's about it. I'll post something tomorrow, hell if I know what. 

Tonight's musical guest: The Black Keys